This Week

The Good: I used to think there was at least a little good left in this week (so far), but I was wrong. So far, there's nothing good.

The Bad: A hella lot more than usual. Like, a record-making amount. They say bad things happen in threes, but I think once you hit four, it must mean you're on some kind of roll. I'm definitely on a roll. Between physical, mental, and emotional beatings, as well as having to cancel plays, learning that some (ex) friends of mine have been saying extremely slanderous remarks about me (ex friends as in they're ex friends now, but they weren't when I first learned about the ordeal), and the equivalency of being dumped by a girl that I believe I couldn't be crazier about... by now you should realize how shitty a position I'm in. I don't think words can really capture how I feel right now.

Stupid thing is that I only really needed one major good thing to turn it all around. Just one. To turn the wave of negative energy and emotions into a tsunami of positive reinforcement and turn my life around. Just one good thing, like being told that I could go for another visit next week or weekend or the week after... like I did this past weekend... and instead I got shut down.

To have an idea of how I'm feeling physically, it's building up to what happened a couple weeks ago, but then add in physically beaten to the mix. To have an idea of how I feel emotionally... a heckuva lot worse.

Don't be surprised if you don't hear from me for a little while. With luck, it'll be a magnificent post about how things have gotten a million times better and about how life holds nothing but good, if not great, things from now until the end, and about how I'm happily with some incredible woman, be it someone I know or someone I don't yet know (although I know exactly who I'd want that woman to be if you asked me right now). But yes, with luck, it'll be that...

Only five words are helping at all, and it's only a slim shade of a glimmer of hope, but it's all I have so it makes the world of difference. Five words that I said on Saturday, which was the last truly good day I had.

"...then I'll be thirty-one."

And that, right there, says everything in the world.